Ame Ga Kirai!

All this rain also made me think for a bit. I find it interesting how we tend to hate rain. But rain is just water; at least that’s what I believe. We like to take a bath, but we hate rain. That can be a bit absurd. When water comes from the faucet or shower, we like it. We don’t mind. We are even thankful for it. When water (which comes flavored in some brands) comes from sealed plastic bottles, we love it. We gulp it with gusto. Whether the water is hot or cold, we don’t mind. But when water comes from the skies, we hate it. We shun it. We run away from it. We even protect ourselves from it. We even fear it. If you’ve seen people rush for the nearest shed during a sudden shower, you’d think they were running away from artillery barrage. Then once at the shed, they would look at each other and smile a smile of relief. It would seem they’re so relieved to have narrowly escaped death. Now, what gives? H2O is H2O, whether from the faucet or from the sky. Outside of acid rain, rainwater is still water. Again, what gives?

As with all things, it depends on the perspective. For people in the city, it’s understandable why rain is well-hated. Rain makes it hard to commute; makes it tough to go anywhere. Rain floods our streets, wets our clothes, ruins our hair, and soaks our socks and shoes. Rain means traffic, slippery roads, less fun outside, cold weather—basically a dismal day.

But I don’t think we hate rain for those reasons. Flooding is our fault—we know zilch about trash management and city planning. Traffic? Rain or shine, it’s a fixture. Cold weather? Get a jacket. Gets you wet? If I’m not mistaken that’s what raincoats and umbrellas are for. I mean we can live with rain. If we can live with the corruption of our government and our apathy towards the state of our nation, rain should be small fry. (It’s funny how we hate the rain more than those who fool around with our “hard-earned” money. It’s a case of misappropriated anger. But anger and hate are emotions, so go figure.)

So when you consider it a little, it’s not really rain that bugs us. What we hate is what rain brings, not rain itself. But is this true? We still say we hate rain. We say: “Expletive! It’s raining again!” So what do we hate about rain? It’s not like we can’t do something about it…

That’s when I went: “Ah! Eureka!” Maybe that’s the case. We hate rain, not for its effects, but because we can’t do anything about it. You know what they say how you can’t stop the rain? Then I go: “Aha! Typical of humans! It’s control! We hate rain because it does not have a remote control!”

Think about it: it seldom rains when you want it. It always rains when you don’t want it to rain. When you have outdoor plans, it rains. When you don’t have an umbrella, it rains. You’re at your best clothes, it rains. When you’re going to some place important, it rains. As Alanis said, it’s your wedding day (a garden wedding), it rains. You had your heart broken, it rains. You just finished hanging the clothes to dry, it rains. You’re a gremlin, it rains. It goes on. Feel free to add your own experience. But the fact is, during those times, you wanted the rain to stop. But it won’t. You can’t. No matter what you do, it won’t stop. Rain is insensitive. It’s unmerciful. It doesn’t care about you or your concerns. Who are you to the rain anyway? The rain would just say: “Shut up. Here, have some more rain.” So, you hate it. You can have your science teacher explain how rain falls, but still you’ll hate rain because you can’t control it.

Maybe it’s because of that. We can only predict, but we can’t control. And sometimes (if not most of the times) we predict it wrong. The rain will come as it pleases. We can seed rain, but we can’t stop it. We can’t turn it off like a faucet. Maybe that’s why it pisses us off so much. Rain has the audacity to ignore and disregard somebody as important as us. It’s insulting, us being the center of the universe and all. And we’re literally being spat and pissed on the face by just a water-drenched cloud?! The nerve!

That would be fun though, controlling the rain. Make it rain on one person only, two persons, or three. Or just a whole city. Make it rain inside the building. Literally stir up a storm in a tea cup. That would be nice to see. Especially the part where you can just shower one person, you know, just like in the comic strip, where a raincloud is hovering over someone’s head. It’s fun. You hold the fate of a whole rice field in your hands. You can make a desert become an oasis. You can hold the whole world ransom by not allowing rain. You’re all powerful. You have this all-consuming (hah! I finally used the word; just have to work on “sparking”) desire to taunt and play with the lives of people with your power over rain. You start a new form of terrorism—weather terrorism.

Since this is already too long (I made the word count) and quality takes a lot x 100000000 of effort (I am lazy and undisciplined; this piece is not that good anyway): the end. Think of it as one of those “choose your own ending” thing. If you want a proper ending: Humans are ego-centric control freaks.

A Society of Motherfuckers

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Working In the Adult Industry

I always wanted to have an interview with a Porn Star. Since there are no legitimate (hard core) porn stars in this country, I took the liberty of making someone up.

We’ll call her Kim. Our conversation ran as follows:

Watashi: Let’s get straight to the point: Of all things, why did you become a porn star?

Kim: That’s unfair, you know. That’s a loaded question.

Watashi: What do you mean?

Kim: Well, you asked it like I’m guilty of something. Like, I’m a bad person.

Watashi: Well, you’re not Sister Teresa, I’ll tell you that.

Kim: Sure, but I’m not the Queen Bitch of the Universe either. God, you sound like there has to be something wrong with me for taking this job.

Watashi: Isn’t there? Nobody really says at age six: “I want to be a porn star.” Nor would you put that on your high school career counseling form.

Kim: I’ll give you that. But you seem to know a lot about me if you think that my life is all messed up just because I work in the adult industry. It’s not like I’m a good for nothing bum who’s drunk and drugged the whole day long.

Watashi: Alright. So you want to be treated like ‘decent’ folk. That would be difficult since you earn by being ‘indecent.’ It’s a contradiction of terms right there.

Kim: Well, if they were ‘indecent’ enough to watch and enjoy my work, then I don’t see why I can’t be as ‘decent’ as them.

Watashi: But watching and doing are two different things. Just because people enjoy watching porn doesn’t mean they’ll go ahead and become porn stars.

Kim: Sure, but as long as they keep watching, we’ll keep on filming. It’s a simple matter of supply and demand. They want it, we provide it.

Watashi: You sound like an arms dealer selling automatic machine guns to children.

Kim: Sure, only we work with adults. It’s the ‘adult’ industry, remember?

Watashi: So, you blame the porn-buying public for your situation?

Kim: Well, the adult industry will not survive this long if people weren’t so fixated over sex, I’ll tell you that.

Watashi: So you mean to say that you’re just a victim of the public’s lust for lust? That’s an escapist’s way of saying it. Just like Pilate, eh?

Kim: Well, I’m not saying that. What I want to say is that the adult industry is here because the people want it. The same way people want their Starbucks or their McDonalds. Like I said, it fills up a demand. And since it’s a legitimate industry, I see nothing wrong in working in it.

Watashi: So, you’re proud to be a porn star? Like, you can go to a room full of kids with your child in it and say that you’re proud to be a porn star?

Kim: I wouldn’t go as far as saying that. It’s not the best job in the world, but it pays well and it pays the bills.

Watashi: But there are lots of other ways to pay the bills…

Kim: Exactly. So what’s wrong with paying it this way?

Watashi: Well, if you can’t be proud of it, then…

Kim: I can’t say it out loud in front of the kids but I won’t mind saying it in front of everyone else.

Watashi: Well, should there be a difference?

Kim: With kids it will be harder to explain, especially as they don't understand or appreciate what is involved in my line of work.

Watashi: Like sex?

Kim: Yes.

Watashi: So you can’ t tell your kid that you have sex in front of a camera for a living?

Kim: Yes. It would have been easier for the kids if society doesn’t look at our line of work with much prejudice. If we gain the status of like that of a clerk or even a janitor, everything would have been fine. But to the public, we are nothing but sluts and gigolos. People think that who we are in front of the camera and behind it is the same. We get lots of raised eyebrows.

Watashi: But you couldn’t really blame them, could you? I mean, if you're in this line of work, then you also have to be ready for the disrespect that comes with it right?

Kim: I know that already. But what I don’t get is that people can look at movie actors and be able to differentiate between the role and the actor, but not do the same with porn stars. It seems like all we live for is sex and that we don’t do anything else but have sex. That we are all fast, loose and ‘easy’ women.

Watashi: Is that really not true?

Kim: Of course not. We are just acting out in front of the camera. There may be some among us like that, but not all. It’s the same for all lines of work.

Watashi: That’s funny. You act out by doing the real thing. That doesn’t sound like acting at all.

Kim: Well, you don’t have a kissing scene where people don’t actually kiss.

Watashi: But somehow your case is different. A kiss is a kiss, but boning is a different matter.

Kim: The problem is how we see a sexual act. Look, we’re not looking to win the Oscars with the work that we do. But doing the actual thing is what makes porn, porn.

Watashi: But I have to ask, where is the self-respect? You allow yourself to be debased and become an object whose purpose is to induce lust. Is there any form of contentment in that? It seems like you exist just to pander to people’s sexual desires.

Kim: We are all panderers, one way or another. We all sell ourselves to get something in return. The difference between porn stars and, say a teacher, is one of degree, not in kind. The teacher sells education, we sell sex. Both are needed and both have a demand.

Watashi: I can see your point. But you haven’t answered whether you respect yourself being in this line of work.

Kim: It depends on what you call respectable. If you mean being able to earn your keep without hurting anyone or doing something illegal, then I find my profession respectable. Being treated like an object is something for others to do, not for me to do to myself. I’ve never considered myself as an object. It’s just that there are a lot of people that makes you feel that way. And sometimes they succeed. They make me feel like shit sometimes. I do sometimes think that I’m better off doing another job, something more “respectable”, but it’s them that’s only saying that. I don’t really mind doing this job. It’s just that people think I need to be doing something else. And when I don’t listen, I get burned at the stakes.

Watashi: But I still can’t believe that someone in the right state of mind will go naked and have sex in front of the camera for all to see. The idea seems insane. Like something went wrong somewhere.

Kim: Honestly, I think whatever reason anyone has for doing something is none of anyone's business. Questions like that are just meant to judge and find fault. It’s so that people can look down on others and what they do. Just because you can’t find any good reason doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Just because you can’t find it acceptable does not mean it’s not acceptable. If we say we like what we do and that we chose to do this, then better give us some credit.

Watashi: So, you mean that there are people who actually like being porn stars?

Kim: Of course. The fact that porn existed and has continued to thrive shows that some people like what they do, and people like watching these people. And don’t you think that there are people who enjoy being in front of the camera having sex? Whether it was forced on them or not, whether they didn’t like it at first or liked it immediately does not change the fact that they like it. You can’t be a better judge of what they like than them. If you are, then you’ve got to be some form of god. Now that is something more insane.

Watashi: But what about your fellow women? Don’t you think you’re pushing the idea that women are just sexual objects? That you make men put in their head to treat their women like porn stars?

Kim: That is not really our fault. If men think of women as objects, it’s not through our influence. Society treats women as objects, porn or no porn. Do we help the idea along? Maybe. But not overtly. What we do is just a reflection of what society is. We just provide what the public needs and wants. So if you see something like the objectification of women, its not because porn made it that way. It’s because that is what there is. The problem is not porn. The problem is with the people’s minds.

Also, think about how women made great improvements in getting recognized and getting equal rights. But that didn’t make porn go away. So long as people have sexual needs and urges, porn will stay. So long as men are not all made eunuchs, priests or castrated, porn will stay. Woman question or not.

Watashi: But you don’t exactly help the women’s cause either.

Kim: That is true. We don’t really help, because we are not made to help them. We do a different thing. We cater to needs and demands. We’re not running a propaganda campaign.

Watashi: And you’re fine saying that? Isn’t that a bit too convenient?

Kim: You can hate porn, but that won’t do much good. Don’t kill the messenger. We just show what is there. We don’t make it up. If people have perverted thoughts and tendencies, we just enact it for them to see. If you have sexual fantasies, we bring them to life. We’re not here to campaign for anybody’s ideals.

Watashi: So, you’re just saying that the people are just misguided with their view of porn?

Kim: That’s for them to decide, not for me to say.

Well, this ends the imaginary conversation with Kim the Porn Star.

Living the Fictional Life

What if we are all just characters in a story? What if the fact that I wrote this and that you are reading this is something that was plotted by some unknown author? This means whatever you’re thinking right now is just according to a script. All your thoughts, emotions, knowledge, habits and experiences are all fabricated by the one who holds the pen (or keyboard).

I know this is a hard sell. It is because making it work needs some imagination and broadness of mind. So if you think it’s impossible or not plausible, it’s ok. Limits are understandable. Maybe that was your characterization. Maybe that’s how you were made (or written): A bit special.

Well, this is not my original idea. I encountered this while reading “Sophie’s World.” And I’m sure that some of you have thought of this possibility. I really find the concept curious. The idea that we are just fictions of someone’s mind – it’s surreal. The solid earth that you were once standing on becomes a flimsy paper with printed letters. It could also be annoying to think that we are all just characters in some cheap soap opera or B movie. Or, that we are all just playing second string to some main protagonist we don’t even know who. Maybe it’s me; maybe it’s you. But whatever the case, the idea that you’re not the main character of at least even your own life is a tenfold slap on the face of your ego. If you relate it to LOTR, you’re just a Gondor soldier in the melee that trips and gets trampled on by Orcs and Men, then flattened by an Oliphaunt. You didn’t even get to see, much less hold, The One Ring. You’re not even a character. You’re reduced to a mere background element.

If you still can’t grasp it, try the movies. If you’ve seen “Vanilla Sky,” you should get the drift. If you still can’t, then think of “The Matrix.” They all point to some alternate reality. Maybe the more accurate description is it’s the “real” world, versus the “dream” world. Although “The Matrix” did maintain the autonomy of human will and emotions, it doesn’t change the idea that much of their “normal” world was fabricated. And in this case, you don’t have a “real” world.

So, if we assume that our world is just in the head of some writer or printed ink on paper, what does that mean for us? It has a lot of impact on free will and deliberate actions. I can smack you on the head right now and tell you it’s all part of the script. Then you would smack me right back and tell me it’s also part of the script. It creates a comedic situation. You are not your own person anymore. Rather, you were never a person to begin with. It makes the entire world funny and amusing in a twisted and disturbed way.

All the things that we care about, love, hate, adore, and resent are all just given to us. And we had no choice about it. I guess, we would rebel then. But what if this rebellious feeling is also something designed for us; some form of literary device to move the story along? Isn’t that insulting? You’re just a means to an end. That’s the meaning of your existence.

If you push the idea some more, you’ll find yourself in a wonderful trap. And there’s nothing that you can do about it. Not even Houdini can’t escape from it. And once you’re written down, not even God can save you. The finality of the written word is absolute.

Is there a bright side to this? Of course there is. If we’re all just made up by some person, then that makes this life easier to understand. Not necessarily easier to accept, but comprehension is the first step to resignation (or acceptance, I like it negative). And what could be the best thing about this is you have somebody to blame. If this world is messed up, you have someone to direct your resentment at. Now, that’s a big thing. It gives you at least some peace of mind. And for some, a reason for existence: Something to hate. Of course, you can take this the positive way. You also have someone to be grateful to, someone to worship. If you were written like a James Bond or Tomb Raider character, then you have a lot to be thankful for. If you were written as the Queen Bee, or Silverback Gorilla, then you’ve got it good. At the lowest level of gratefulness, you can be thankful that you existed at all. That out of nothing you became something of some sort.

This can also engender a form of vengeance. That is, if you were allowed by the script to do so. You can start holding a pen yourself and start tormenting your own poor creations just for spite. Since you can’t reach the object of your revenge, you’re left to create some of your own. It can be quite sick once you think about it. But also consider how you can be sane when you’re given a concept of freedom but also exiled from it at the same time. You know what a free person is, only you’re not it. If that don’t get you gritting your teeth, then I give up.

Of course this is just a thought experiment. The eerie thing is, what if it was true?

The Possible Absurdity of Rationality

Being rational is always forwarded as the epitome of human evolution. That man’s capacity for advanced rationality is his main distinction from the rest of the animal kingdom.

What’s not to like about rationality? With rationality, everything is easier. Everything is well-defined, governed by rules and principles. This eliminates much of the confusion and misunderstanding which are the cause of most human suffering.

So, let’s perform a thought experiment. Let’s say that we conduct our social and personal relations through rational means and intercourse, void of the emotional and non-verbal nuances that we find in daily interaction. Let’s assume that we are as we are, only that we are concise, factual, stiff, robot-like, and well, rational.

This is how I imagine it. For example, you have a guy confessing his love for a girl:

Roboguy: Greetings to you, my fellow human of the opposite sex, with the given name of Robogirl. I have some information to present to you which is of utmost importance to my present and future psychological and physical well-being. And perhaps, it could also affect yours as well. Would you spare me some of your time and listen to my report?

Robogirl: Greetings as well, Roboguy, my fellow human of the male sex. Since you mentioned that it is something essential to your well-being and mine, I find it within the bounds of reason and ethics to listen to what you have to report.

Roboguy: I am grateful for your understanding, Robogirl. For an easier understanding of my report, I think it expedient to provide you with the context from which this knowledge emanated from.

For the past weeks I have been constantly bombarded with images of your physical form and facial profile to the point that it interferes with my ability to concentrate on tasks and my capacity for nocturnal repose. Even during your absence, your mental image has been persisting in my consciousness regardless of my will. Another thing to note during your absence is that a feeling of isolation is initiated within me. It seems I am urged by some inexplicable drive to be within the immediate vicinity of your presence. However, when I am within your presence, certain biological functions of mine demonstrate erratic behavior such as: nervousness and slight fear, increased heartbeats and palpitations, and a small amount of dizziness and sweating; then my psyche is also burdened by an unfounded feeling of timidity and embarrassment. All of these with a strangely developed tender regard towards your person, even though that kind of emotional disposition is reserved only for humans related by blood. Together with this disposition of tenderness is the increased proclivity of my imagination to fabricate scenes of you and me together engaging in pleasurable activities and being fully satisfied with each other’s presence.

Moreover, I am consumed with the urge to make your person as one my possessions. Although I do find the idea irrational, as owning another person is an affront to personal autonomy and would constitute as a case of demeaning objectification, but for the sake of accuracy and honesty I mention this fact to you. In conjunction with the urge for possession is an increased sexual desire for your person. And although taken rationally, your person does not entirely match my ideals for a human of the opposite sex, there is a sense of inevitability regarding my feeling of attraction towards your person.

Given all of these symptoms, with much analysis and comparison with previous reports from resource books, such as romance literature, and popular audio-visual media, such as adolescent television programs and soap operas, I concluded that I am harboring the emotion of love towards your person. As such, it is within the definition of being in the state of love that I make this fact known to the subject of love, and inquire if the said subject also has the same disposition towards my person. If not, then at the least to be granted permission to engage in the act of courting to engender the same feeling in the said subject.

With all that previous information serving as premises, I now declare that I am in the state of love towards you, Robogirl. Do you harbor the same emotions towards my person? And if not, will you allow me to engage in the act of courtship?

Robogirl: First of all, I am grateful for your feelings. Also, I have listened intently to your report and I do believe that you have sufficient grounds for calling that emotion love. The reason why I state this is due to the fact that I also have the similar experiences regarding your person and has also made consultation with the same research materials. That stated, it’s no longer rational to engage in courtship. I declare as well my state of being in love with your person.

Roboguy: I am grateful as well for your resonance with my emotion. I believe this situation merits an affectionate contact of our lips. Would you permit us engaging in such an act?

Robogirl: I believe it is but what is proper and expected in this situation. I do allow your proposed action to be executed. But an additional question: should we need to embrace or is lip contact just enough?

Roboguy: If it would not cause you discomfort, I would prefer the addition of skin contact as it engenders closeness and satisfies the physical urges for tactile contact.

Robogirl: You have a good point, Roboguy. We should ensure efficiency in the relationship. But even so, may I remind you that there should be limits and phases in our conduct of this relationship. I would permit an embrace, but the usage of tongue is prohibited. Perhaps after the second date, that would be optimal.

Roboguy: Of course, rules and limits are a must. So is planning. How about sexual intercourse?

Robogirl: There are several factors to consider such as culture and religious mores. But personally, if we achieve the right amount of emotional harmony and enough alcoholic consumption to lower our inhibitions by the third date, then that would also be optimal.

Roboguy: I have no objections to that. So, should we engage in the kiss?

Robogirl: Let us proceed so we can continue on to other matters. Remember to meet halfway, and to close your eyes.

Roboguy: Of course, that is but rational.

And so, the two kissed. It’s quite romantic in its own way.

I would have had a version where the guy was dumped, perhaps that would have been more interesting. But if that was the way that we did life, it makes me smile. It does have a certain charm to it. What do you think?

When Looking Good Doesn’t Look So Good

The problem with looking good is that you’ve got to keep looking good. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s running just to stay in place. Look good one day, and you have to look good until you die. Just let up one day, then all that effort in the past go down the drain. Just show one moment of ugliness and you’re exiled immediately to the country of the hideous. You become guilty of deception; of hiding what you truly are. You’re now a conniving, lying, delusional megalomaniac who thinks you’re something you’re not.

Exaggerated? Maybe. But it’s true nonetheless. The mildest criticism is “bad hair day.” But deep inside, you think that that person is not as cute as you thought that person was. The image (or illusion) was shattered. That person was just human. Then you shake your head and raise your fists to heaven.

This fact, which I had to think about for some time, is instinctive to women. Why else would they have a compact mirror, blush-on, face powder, lipstick, brush, comb, cologne, lotion and some other cosmetic contraption stuffed in their little purses all the time? You’d think that their bags or purses are like Doraemon’s pocket with all the things stuffed in there. (Of course, not all women are like that, but I would assume that at least a compact mirror is universal. It’s like a proof of womanhood. Like they’re born with it.) Then, think about why women take a long time when they go to the latrine. It’s possible that half the total time men spend on a date is spent waiting for a girl to get out of the girls' room. Also think about why women take a long time to bathe, dress and get ready to go out. It’s instinctive to women: You’ve got to look good, and more important, you’ve got to keep looking good.

To be fair, men are not much different. Men have their hair gels and aftershaves. They also dress up to the latest fashion. But I think what’s distinctive to men is buffing up. “Check my biceps, baby” – perhaps that’s the closest to sprucing up men can get. Men are natural slobs, so it’s hard to think of a guy being cosmetic. But they say there’s a new brand of man around. The “Metrosexual” male. I just shrug my shoulders and sigh. You just can’t get it out of your head that, maybe, just maybe, those guys are gay. Maybe. And I can be dead wrong. But with my very limited social circle, all the metrosexuals I know turned out to be gay. (They just didn’t have the courage to come out at first. Chalk one up for liberal society and individual freedom.) But the main difference between men and women on the matter is that men do not exactly know that they have to keep looking good. When you tell it to them, they’ll go: “Really? I haven’t thought of it like that.” Then you can just imagine women going: “Duh!”

Regarding this, I remember Calvin’s (Calvin and Hobbes) parents talking about how the media and society is built around making people unhappy with themselves. All those cosmetic commercials and ads, then you see how pretty, handsome, sexy, or flawless that star on TV is, then look at yourself in the mirror – it can be quite depressing. They’re just promoting a product, but subliminally, what they’re telling you is: “You don’t look like me, ergo, you’re ugly. You must be miserable. Buy my stuff, and perhaps you’ll be like me. Then, probably, you’ll be happy.” It’s quite funny. You’re too fat, too thin, your hair is too short, too long. You have dry skin, you have dark skin, you have pale skin. But at least these ads point out a simple truth. That we are human and that we are not perfect. And more important, that we vehemently deny this fact everyday of our lives. We buy stuff to keep the denial and illusion up.

One can object: “It’s just a matter of grooming and personal hygiene. It doesn’t have to be as bad as you say it is.” True. But I’m too stupid to draw the line between being well-groomed to wanting to look good. Maybe the line is blurred. Grooming for me is taking care of yourself so that you don’t stink, and don’t get sick because you stink. Like I said, I’m pretty stupid on these matters. I guess I’ll let you tell me what is what one of these days.

So am I saying to stop looking good? Hell no! If women stopped prettying up themselves, it’s a terrible world to live in. It’s a world not worth living in. So, what am I really saying? Did I just contradict myself? I don’t know. Right now, I don’t really care.

Work, Children and Pets

It can’t be helped that some time after joining the workforce, you’d long for the time when you were a child. You think back of the time when you’re somehow, quite free to do as you please, more often than not. The time when stuff was free; where you just throw tantrums or threaten to run away from home to get what you wanted. And when you compare it with the present, you somehow regret the loss of that kind of freedom. Now that you’re all grown up, you do get your way most of the times, but it comes at a price. The ironic thing is you need to be a slave of some sort before you can enjoy your freedom.

That’s why, in a way, we envy children. They just play, eat, sleep, and whine all day. The only drawback is, being a child is like being a pet. Well, to be accurate, just a notch higher than a pet. If you’re a child, you need to be cute. Have to be cute. You need to be “precocious”, adorable and a “bundle of sunshine and happiness.” If you’re not, then you’re useless. You’re a mistake – a lamentable example of bad gene combination. But this is where children are a notch higher than pets. If you have a mangy, dull, and lethargic dog as a pet, aren’t you tempted to kick it, even just once? Imagine coming home after a tough day at work and that’s what greets you. I’ll bet you would kick that mutt just to feel better. But, will you do the same to an ugly child? Of course, not! Children are like pets, but not pets. If you kicked a child – no matter how ugly and unlovable – you’re sick. You need to be reported to the Retard Extermination Brigade for summary execution.

Now, think of the way we interact with pets and the way we interact with children. Aren’t they quite similar? Like pets, we teach children tricks. Of course, not the likes of jumping through rings of fire or balancing a ball at the tip of the nose, or clapping flippers while swimming backwards – children are too inept for those. We only teach children simple things. We teach them “Close-Open”, “Clap Your Hands”, “Smile”, “Jump”, “Catch”, “Bye-bye”, “Flying Kiss”, or move their hips spasmodically to the latest crappy song from a noontime variety show. And once they learn those tricks, we show them off. We call for a clan meeting. We demand a neighborhood assembly. We aim to trounce the children of neighbors and relatives. It’s like a dog show (or dog fight) for humans.

Then, think of the way how we pick up children’s pooh, give them a bath, feed them, and nurse them when they’re sick. Not much different from a pet, right? And when you give milk supplement or vitamins to your child, it’s just like getting Alpo for a dog or Thunderbird Max for your fighting cock. It’s strangely similar. The only difference is that you don’t put your child up for stud service or sign the child up for a cockfight.

Another aspect wherein children are like pets is that children get to eat for free, but in exchange they get to be caged and wear a leash. You remember right? No more TV, brush your teeth, eat your vegetables, go inside it’s already dark, don’t play with your father’s gun and stop shooting the neighbor and his dog, smoking is not allowed till you’re ten, stabbing classmates with a pencil is bad, don't date that boy, he's your father's toy – you know, things of that sort. The only things children aren’t being dictated at are involuntary body functions. Things like breathing, pissing, digesting, circulating blood, etc. But the rest is fair game for parents. Isn’t this the source of most conflicts during adolescence? You try so hard to tell parents that you’re no longer a pet; that you’re no longer the cute child that you once were. That you’re bigger and smarter, that you can handle yourself. You vehemently and emphatically state that you don’t like being told what to do, yet still feel entitled to the free board, lodging, education, allowance and health coverage. You aggressively assert your evolution from a pet that was at least entertaining, into a parasitic, know-it-all freeloader. The essence of adolescence (Oh, such fond memories they bring!).

And of course, there are a lot more similarities out there. I'm sure you can come up with one.

Looking at it from this angle, would it be better to be a slave or a pet? The answer, I don’t know. Better view it with a sense of resignation since you’re all grown up. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can just continue with your slave and toil, get a member of the opposite sex and together create a pet of your own.