Work, Children and Pets

It can’t be helped that some time after joining the workforce, you’d long for the time when you were a child. You think back of the time when you’re somehow, quite free to do as you please, more often than not. The time when stuff was free; where you just throw tantrums or threaten to run away from home to get what you wanted. And when you compare it with the present, you somehow regret the loss of that kind of freedom. Now that you’re all grown up, you do get your way most of the times, but it comes at a price. The ironic thing is you need to be a slave of some sort before you can enjoy your freedom.

That’s why, in a way, we envy children. They just play, eat, sleep, and whine all day. The only drawback is, being a child is like being a pet. Well, to be accurate, just a notch higher than a pet. If you’re a child, you need to be cute. Have to be cute. You need to be “precocious”, adorable and a “bundle of sunshine and happiness.” If you’re not, then you’re useless. You’re a mistake – a lamentable example of bad gene combination. But this is where children are a notch higher than pets. If you have a mangy, dull, and lethargic dog as a pet, aren’t you tempted to kick it, even just once? Imagine coming home after a tough day at work and that’s what greets you. I’ll bet you would kick that mutt just to feel better. But, will you do the same to an ugly child? Of course, not! Children are like pets, but not pets. If you kicked a child – no matter how ugly and unlovable – you’re sick. You need to be reported to the Retard Extermination Brigade for summary execution.

Now, think of the way we interact with pets and the way we interact with children. Aren’t they quite similar? Like pets, we teach children tricks. Of course, not the likes of jumping through rings of fire or balancing a ball at the tip of the nose, or clapping flippers while swimming backwards – children are too inept for those. We only teach children simple things. We teach them “Close-Open”, “Clap Your Hands”, “Smile”, “Jump”, “Catch”, “Bye-bye”, “Flying Kiss”, or move their hips spasmodically to the latest crappy song from a noontime variety show. And once they learn those tricks, we show them off. We call for a clan meeting. We demand a neighborhood assembly. We aim to trounce the children of neighbors and relatives. It’s like a dog show (or dog fight) for humans.

Then, think of the way how we pick up children’s pooh, give them a bath, feed them, and nurse them when they’re sick. Not much different from a pet, right? And when you give milk supplement or vitamins to your child, it’s just like getting Alpo for a dog or Thunderbird Max for your fighting cock. It’s strangely similar. The only difference is that you don’t put your child up for stud service or sign the child up for a cockfight.

Another aspect wherein children are like pets is that children get to eat for free, but in exchange they get to be caged and wear a leash. You remember right? No more TV, brush your teeth, eat your vegetables, go inside it’s already dark, don’t play with your father’s gun and stop shooting the neighbor and his dog, smoking is not allowed till you’re ten, stabbing classmates with a pencil is bad, don't date that boy, he's your father's toy – you know, things of that sort. The only things children aren’t being dictated at are involuntary body functions. Things like breathing, pissing, digesting, circulating blood, etc. But the rest is fair game for parents. Isn’t this the source of most conflicts during adolescence? You try so hard to tell parents that you’re no longer a pet; that you’re no longer the cute child that you once were. That you’re bigger and smarter, that you can handle yourself. You vehemently and emphatically state that you don’t like being told what to do, yet still feel entitled to the free board, lodging, education, allowance and health coverage. You aggressively assert your evolution from a pet that was at least entertaining, into a parasitic, know-it-all freeloader. The essence of adolescence (Oh, such fond memories they bring!).

And of course, there are a lot more similarities out there. I'm sure you can come up with one.

Looking at it from this angle, would it be better to be a slave or a pet? The answer, I don’t know. Better view it with a sense of resignation since you’re all grown up. There’s nothing you can do about it. You can just continue with your slave and toil, get a member of the opposite sex and together create a pet of your own.